pizza:

if i have my headphones in there is a 106% chance i’m not listening to you

0-aredhel-0:

My friend texted me “I was on the subway and I looked down and…”

fullmetal-dipshit:

ozzyosborntodie:

“you’re a virgin, so obviously you know nothing about sex” 

rabioheab:

“ah, you look beautiful tonight. what designer are you wearing?”

“walmart”